My wife, Jacque and I were several years into our marriage when I realized I was missing the mark on something.
One night she looked at me with tears welling up and said, “You don’t help me around the house.” Boom. She was right and I knew it.
She did such a great job making our house a home and I guess I just figured “she had that part covered.” Boy was I wrong. I had to apologize and work on making some changes.
What I came to realize was my mistake. I wasn’t speaking her love language.
Gary Chapman in his best selling book, The 5 Love Languages, says there are five basic love languages we all relate to. When someone speaks our “language”, it connects with us and fills our love tank. When someone doesn’t speak our language our love tank stays empty which can lead to frustration and disappointment. Not good.
Here are the 5 Love Languages:
1) Acts of Service
2) Words of Affirmation
3) Quality Time
4) Physical Touch
Coincidently, we often times give what we desire the most. It’s usually a key indicator that is our love language.
For example, my wife’s off the chart love language is acts of service. She loves to serve and do things for others. It comes naturally to her. As a result, she also likes to receive that back.
When I finally got a clue and “spoke her language”, it changed everything. It’s amazing how it works. However, it was a difficult transition for me because acts of service is probably my weakest love language. I had to work on giving that, but the effort was worth it because it brought tremendous value to our relationship.
My love language happens to be words of affirmation. I love it when people say nice things about me. However, Jacque’s weakest love language is affirmation. She had to work on speaking that language because it doesn’t mean as much to her to receive it.
Are you curious what your or your spouse’s love language is? The good news is you can find out for free. Simply go to the online tool and take the multiple choice assessment. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ It even works for your children. (The 5 Love Languages book by Gary Chapman is excellent as well.)
Once we figured our love language out it was truly a game changer for our marriage. It can be for you too. Go ahead and take the assessment. You’ll be glad you did. I know we are.
Here’s to many happy years of marriage!
I’d love to hear your thoughts. What’s your love language? What’s your spouse’s?